[I was talking to]…Jared Spool of User Interface
Engineering, to ask, “Flash intros – good or bad?”

Jared said, “When we have clients who are thinking about Flash splash pages, we tell them to go to their local supermarket and bring a mime with them. Have the mime stand in front of the supermarket, and, as each customer tries to enter, do a little show that lasts two minutes, welcoming them to the supermarket
and trying to explain the bread is on aisle six and milk is on sale today.

“Then stand back and count how many people watch the mime, how many people get past the mime as quickly as possible, and how many people punch the mime out.

“That should give you a good idea as to how well their splash page will be received. ” {Via}

{via OATMEAL – Who Rocks}

“Hast du etwas Zeit Fur Mich Dann Singe Ich Ein Leide ur Dich. Vonn Neun und Neuzig Luft Ballon, Auf Eirem Weg Zum Horizont”

And sometimes, a Storm Troopers just gotta Dance!

John Jones, and his new Weekly SEO blog have discovered that Google has now gained the ability to travel through time, and cache a page in the future!
This represents a whole new unprecedented level of technology being harnessed by Google…TIME TRAVEL!

Google Breaks the 4th Dimension

While it’s always been known that search patents and systems are constantly being devised by Google to shorten the return time of pages when queried, this I feel represents the next logical step in Search, which is of course “Futuredexing”(Indexing pages before they’ve been modified by the user). While I don’t yet have any confirmation from @mattcutts that they are implementing measures to circumvent the space-time continuum,  we don’t have any DENIAL of it either…

Well, the proof is right here! GOOGLE CAN TRAVEL THROUGH TIME!

UPDATE:

Although Cynics like @kid_disco of SEO Disco may nay say and state that it’s a function of Greenwich Mean Time Differing with my Pacific Standard time…there’s still no conclusive proof that Google isn’t hopping into the Digital Delorean, and Gunning it to 88 MPH!

“Isn’t it strange? The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.”

It looks like I was tagged with this meme by David Harry, known as @thegypsy on twitter to write a post elaborating on 7 facts about myself. Although his name always gets me thinking about Gogol Bordello, he has been a good inspiration to me recently in being less controversial and more focused on “just the facts, ma’am”. Well.. here are some interesting facts about me.

I started working at age 14 on an Apple Orchard

That’s right, it was a U-pick apple farm in Oak Glen, called Riley’s Log Cabin and Orchard. I worked there every fall for 4 years, as a jack of all trades. From parking cars, running the grill, leading tours, helping people press their own cider, teaching archery, Tomahawk throwing (I’m deadly at 7 paces), and Knife Throwing.

Despite my “Pale Face”, I am Native American

The first question I always get when I talk about  this is “Do you have a casino or stacks of cash?”. No. I don’t. Unfortunately, my tribe has had issues getting federally recognized as an existing tribe, even though we built the San Juan Capistrano Mission with our hands, muscle and blood. unfortunately, squabling over who’s the leader has lead to our band being left out of any real benefit of uniting.

My life goal is to own a large bathtub

It sounds a bit nuts, or a low ball of my abilities…but really since I was about 13 I haven’t fit into any bathtub. I figure that the point at which I have a house in which to put the tub, the finances to have a custom tub built to my specifications that I’ll be sitting pretty.

I used to be a Microsoft Paint artist

I was fascinated by geometric artists, and since I couldn’t really afford art supplies, I spent a good amount of time in high school, playing around with MS Paint and creating geometric drawings of various colors and shapes.

I want to be a Polyglot

Well, ok, if you have ever spent time with me at some point I most likely have said something to you in German or Japanese or French or whatever it is I’m studying at that time. A polyglot is someone who is fluent in multiple languages, here’s the run down of my current fluency.

• English, Fluent (Native language)

• German, Mostly Fluent ( Years of Practice, but still miss big words)
• Spanish, Conversational (Just enough to sound like I know more than I do and get in trouble)
• French, Tourist (Enough to kick around Paris with little problems)
• Japanese, Tourist( Enough to tell if the shop owner is insulting me * funny story when I visited Hawaii I went into a shop, and asked if they had an atm he shook his head and said in Japanese “mita no ginkoo desu ka” to his wife*Do I look like a bank?*, to which I replied “Gomenasai, ginkoo wa dooko desu ka?” *Oh Sorry, which way to the bank*…the look on his face was priceless!)
• Russian, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai, Hawaiian, morse code, sign language- thank you, good bye etc
• I want to learn xhosa(bushman/!kung), which is the language from The Gods Must be Crazy

I had a Teepee in my backyard

That’s right. A teepee. Well, wat can I say, when your father starts riding in the annual christmas parade, dressed in war paint and starts calling himself “Red Horse”, you really get a taste of your culture. My culture just happens to let me camp out in my own back yard where I practiced throwing knives and tomahawks.

I grew up in Yucaipa

Say it with me, “U- Cai- Pa”, not “U ca ipa” or “u cape a” . It’s a little town between LA and Palm Springs…known for…uhm…nothing remarkable at all. Our one joy is being slightly larger than Calimesa… Woot!

Alright well, I hope that was quite enough out of me about me, now for my victims..er next participants.

Jon Henshaw of Raven Seo

Brian Harnish

Michelle Rivera – My beautiful Wife

Brian Nelms (Yes, I’m aware that you don’t YET have a blog, but this is a push in that direction)

SMCuter

Erin Maher

annnnd… Alex Guillen

This is just a small sampling of Yvette’s bridal website. There are not enough words to describe the catastrophe that this website represents. Like some Frankenstein monster, this grotesque site is none the less MORE mesmerizing than the Hypno Toad…

Let us try to learn from this monstrosity of a website:

URL/Domain Mistakes:

First off, the domain takes you to a landing page, where they have not re-directed the @ Root domain to re-point to www, poor Google-bot when it crawls here not only see’s this monstrosity, but may see a duplicate site and it wonders DEAR GOD WHY!

Intro Pages are a Mistake:

Secondly, that page is not even the “homepage” of the site, you have to click on the picture of a girl with a lamb ( under the neon text) to get to that…

In general Intro pages are a mistake, because they are confusing to the visitor, take up additional amounts of time, typically have less content than the homepage, and since you usually want people to come to your homepage(I’m not really sure if that’s actually this website’s intent though..I think it’s intent is to make people nauseous), it’s best if you have it be located at the root domain. Now I beleive that this website was created in 2003 using Yahoo hosting… I think if the proposed Yahoo SEO program saw this page it would blow it worse than Jerry Yang.

There are so many different issues with this website, I’ve decided to break up this miles long post into a series. I hope you tune in next time to see what other lessons we can learn from the WORST WEBSITE EVER.

Come To Idaho, We’ve got a Lot to offer!

Step right up folks! It’s Severe weather here in Post Falls, 28 Degrees with a heavy snow shower! That’s right! We also are chock full of Child Molesters and Criminals! Come to Idaho!

Evaluating Online Real Estate

I love real estate agent websites. They can sell a multi-million dollar home, and see the value in any property, but they don’t spend 2 minutes looking at their own online real estate.  We have to give credit to this agent, who was trying to educate her potential clients… but her presentation has gone AWRY. She needs to seperate her home searching from items that may have a negative connotation and why the weather Widget?? I seriously do not understand why every real estate site has one…They’re NOT HELPFUL, and in this case they actually make the area less attractive.

Update: Since Comic Con and the new moon trailer and footage are out I thought I’d find some fresh pieces to add to this post:

Here we have “James” the vampire beating up a bunch of Twilight obsessed girls=hilarious

Update: Mike Wilton, who writes seo and random articles for Musings for a darkened room, pointed out that I misspelled Edward as Eduard. Also, John Jones with his weekly seo tips pointed out my fub on vampire names( It was Angel, not spike in the picture- Joss Whedon Buffy fans can now read it and not kill me) . Both fixed.

Angel Vs Edward

Starwars and twilight crossover

Twilight Hater-aid

Lazy Bella

And of course : the twilight before christmas

Update:

Twilight Puppet Parody

Update:

Not a picture, but a re-cast of the screenplay if it were 10 times shorter and 100 times more honest.

And for those massively obsessed with Twilight there’s a new news aggregator site just for you, answering the question “Where is Edward Cullen?“

Watch Out Edward, Blade is coming for you

There’s also a bunch of great Twilight Humor Videos over at Where Is Edward.